( Baby pic! )

Toby (officially Tobias), born June 30, 8 lb 1 oz. Whole family is doing well. (Actually, the big brother may have some different opinions on the subject, but he'll adjust.)

You can stop at the cute baby picture there, but if you want them, ( the gory birth details are here... )

The third trimester, to my annoyance, is feeling a touch like the first trimester lately--fatigue and touches of nausea and too much smell in the world--though thankfully less on the tired/nauseated and more on the heavy/sore. Standing too long makes my feet hurt, so I sit. Sitting too long makes my back and rear hurt, so I stand. Eventually I'm exhausted, so I lie down. Lying down on my side squishes that arm to death, so I turn over. Then the other arm gets squished to death, so I try to lie against a pillow at an angle sort of on my back and sort of on my side--which makes my joints or stomach or *something* hurt. When I get tired of having been in bed all night without getting much sleep, and besides am getting hungry, I get up. Repeat cycle.

Also, the baby kicks like crazy when I lie down, at least for a while. Those little movements are so gentle when you first feel them around 4-5 months; they're like the motions of a goldfish flitting around in a baggie of water. By 7-8 months they're sometimes more akin to those of a cat trapped in a pillowcase (which you are forced to hug against yourself for some reason).

I console myself with knowing I only have 4-7 weeks to go and then I'm DONE.

I also take comfort, as always, in amusing myself in odd ways. For instance...

I'm not a Twitter user--how can one such as I, who so loves to ramble, confine herself to 140 characters?--but I heard this idea of condensing classic novels into 140-character posts/Twitters, and had to try it.

So here's a few...


Les Miserables:
Jailed. Escaped. Stalked by creepy cop. Now foster daughter is dating revolutionary. Everyone I know is going to die. God, I'm tired.

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall:
Hot widow with kid moved in nearby. Serious man issues. What's up with that? OMG, she let me read her diary! Think I'm in there.

Middlemarch:
Tried to be do-gooder. Married old guy, then he died. Got screwed over by will (because I want Will). Happy ending plz Eliot? Thxbye.

Tess of the d'Urbervilles:
If I get called a hussy one more time I'm going to kill someone just to prove I'm the victim here.

Vanity Fair:
I'm only friending you for your money, lol. No, seriously.

A Room with a View:
Charlotte's wrong, it means nothing nothing nothing that George kissed me in the violets, and...OK fine, it does mean something.

Jane Eyre:
My employer is totally hitting on me. Yummy. Wait a sec, WHO'S living in the attic??

Lolita:
The last few weeks have been amazing. You'll never believe it--I've been...you know what, I'd better not say.

Go ahead, add your own!

These can be applied to anytime during pregnancy, really, as no two women ever experience the same torturous miraculous process.

1. Drink three times as much water as you think you need. Just do it; you'll feel better.

2. Any of the following now count as exercise and entitle you to sit down and rest a while after doing them:
a. Unloading the dishwasher
b. Folding and putting away laundry
c. Carrying groceries from car to house
d. Walking one block to put something in mailbox

3. Given strenuous caloric requirements upon your system, it is fine and advisable to buy Oreos and Cheetos and ice cream in one grocery store trip. You need the energy.

4. Start planning now for your birth and post-partum experience. It is important that your whole family be aware of your preferences; namely, who will bring you your first shot of hard alcohol after the delivery, what that alcohol will be, and how it should be served. (Honestly, how unfair is it that we can't drink? Who needs it more than we do??)

Two LJ Genie questions today:

1) Anyone have experience with a Honda Element? We're considering getting one as a mid-sized reliable familymobile.

2) Anyone have experience whitening their teeth with drugstore kits/devices? Did it work? I'm considering treating myself to it now that my braces are off, since, though my teeth indeed be straight, they be also a tad yellow. I suppose tea and chocolate do have that one drawback...


In unrelated news, ultrasound says our second kiddo will be another boy! Cool. We already have all those blue clothes and toy trucks. And I have sisters and a niece if I start pining for cosmetic shopping companions.

Have a good weekend, all!

1) You can decaffeinate it yourself. Just pour the boiling water over it as usual, wait 30 to 45 seconds, and dump out the resulting brew, but keep the leaves/teabag. This will remove some 80% of the caffeine, which ought to be enough to let you fall asleep. Then pour fresh boiling water over the same tea leaves/bag, and brew as usual. Ta-da--decaffeinated tea. Apparently you also get more polyphenol health benefits that way than if you simply buy decaf tea.

2) Here's one Americans don't always learn: really, only brew the tea for a few minutes. 3 to 5 minutes for black tea, 1 to 3 for green, no more than 2 for white. It becomes bitter and harsh after that. I didn't know this for years, and when I went to Scotland in '96, the locals looked at me in incredulity when I left my teabag in the mug for endless minutes. "How can ye drink it like tha'? It's like tar!" They're right, as it turns out.

3) I was going to add, "Don't drink tea with meals, as it can inhibit your iron absorption," but I lately found that the research is not at all conclusive on that one.

I need a tea icon. Hm. That is, assuming LJ is even here a month from now.

By the way, should you want to join in a grass-roots effort to buy LiveJournal out from under the noses of whoever the hell owns it now and is firing everyone, see ljuser_buyout. My brother-in-law kenshi started it up, so I can promise it's not a scam.

Should that fail, technically I do have a blog I can fall back upon. I hardly ever use it now, but I will if it comes to that.

From me to yous-all, it's...

Best Recipes of 2008
from Molly & Steve

Table of Contents:

Florentine Scramble
Mexican Enchilada Sauce
Basil Chicken Salad
Baked Macaroni, Tomatoes, and Cheese
Salsa Couscous Chicken
Skillet Baked Ziti
Pork Pozole
Greek Burgers with Cucumber Sauce
Captain Bay-Schmith's Chicken
Healthier Blueberry Muffins
Orange and Chocolate Chip Dots

( Recipes under here )

Now that I'm in my second trimester, I'm loving food again, and smells too. Good thing, or it would've been hard to compile this collection without wanting to gag. Now, though, I'm all, "Jasmine green tea smells so incredibly good! Where can I get a perfume that smells exactly like this? And our Christmas tree! Our Christmas tree smells like heaven! And, mmm, did someone just peel open an orange?"

We've got lots of volunteers to read a couple lines each of "The Raven," certainly enough to cover at least a few stanzas, but we can always fit in a few more. Check this post to see what's entailed and sign up! There's still time.

Question for those who may know:
It's fairly common to sneeze when confronted with bright light; it has to do with your eyes watering and tickling your nose or something. (Edit: Or perhaps it's just genetic. No one seems sure. I have this trait, anyway.) But why in the world does my son sneeze, just once, almost every morning, after his first bite of toast? It's a mystery to me. But at least it's sort of cute.

Recipe for insomnia
------------

Take a handful of any of the following irritations, and stir (and toss, and turn).

- My arm is squished if I lie like this.

- My hip hurts if I lie like that.

- The pillow is blocking my nostril.

- My shoulder is too cold.

- My feet are too hot.

- I should get up and go to the bathroom. No I shouldn't. Yes I should. No I shouldn't.

- The inside of my nose itches.

- I'm so hungry my stomach is eating itself.

- My mouth is dry. My teeth are sticking to my lips. I should get a drink of water. No I shouldn't. Yes I should. No I shouldn't.

- My hair is poking me in the neck.

- My ear is bent funny against the pillow.

- My nightshirt is twisted around me too tight.

- I'm preoccupied by those emails I need to answer.

- I'm preoccupied by thinking about illness, injury, and death.

- I'm preoccupied by story ideas I don't spend enough time working on.

- I'm preoccupied by the insulting things people said to me five, ten, or fifteen years ago.

- I'm furious because I'm going to be too tired tomorrow to get anything done.

- Furious. Argh.

- A bird is singing outside. It's only 4:00 a.m. Argh. Hate the bird.

...And this says nothing about sleep disruptions caused by others, such as toddlers. Then, at least, there's a reason I'm awake. But there is nothing more agonizingly frustrating than lying awake for no good reason while the clock ticks away the minutes and hours. 12:48...1:15...2:09...3:34...4:02...and you bargain for less and less time. I'll be all right if I can just get six hours of sleep...or five...or three and a half...or two...

I've been this way off and on for most of my life. The worst spell was in college, when, for no apparent reason, I didn't sleep at all for about a week. These days I usually do get at least a few hours even on the worst nights, and the worst nights are no more than a few times a month. But I'd rather get seven or eight hours every night, thanks.

I don't want meds. At least, not really, not regularly, not so I rely upon them. Does anyone have other sleep-inducing tricks? Acupressure points? Breathing techniques? Melville novels?

All other insomniacs out there, come here. Group hug. I'm sorry I didn't come out earlier. It's nothing to be ashamed of, except maybe once in a while when we turn into total crazy people and beat our heads against the pillow, or kick the mattress repeatedly with our heels, or throw ourselves upon the floor in a frustrated heap. But sleep deprivation is a form of torture, you know.

(Got this in email. It appears to be real, and even if it isn't, it's still funny.)

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull . And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons

Austin , TX

1) Finished watching Doctor Who, season 3. ( spoilers )

2) I would be remiss as a linguist if I didn't link to this story: students in Baltimore (and elsewhere) are using "yo" as a gender-neutral third-person singular pronoun. Examples include "Yo threw a thumbtack at me" and "Yo looks like a freak." In short, these kids have managed to do what no well-meaning politically correct language fashioners have been able to do in centuries. Not sure it will catch on everywhere, but it shows there is hope for that cumbersome he/she/one/they business in the third person singular. I think it's great. Oh, come on, it's fun! No, the language is not collapsing. Languages never collapse. Stop being so stuffy.

3) Farewell, Heath Ledger. I am saddened, as I was only just beginning to appreciate you. Also, I have a two-year-old child myself and it breaks my heart to think of your girl growing up without her daddy. So this better not have been intentional or I'll be really angry with you.

4) I'm off to get braces. I'd be apprehensive about the pain, except that the spacers they put between my molars have already inflicted pain upon all four quadrants my jaw for the past week, rendering the eating of crunchy things impossible. So I feel prepared. And you may call me Titani-M* for the next nine or ten months, or however long it takes my little crossbite to straighten out.

*The brackets and wires are a titanium blend nowadays. Stronger, smoother, smaller, faster, sexier, etc.

Note One: One or two alcoholic drinks a day might lower risk of heart attacks, but definitely raises risk of a bazillion kinds of cancer. Hm, heart attack or cancer? I'll take heart attack, thanks. I'm sticking to my "dark chocolate with every meal but alcohol only a couple times a week" diet.

Note Two: I finally saw An Officer and a Gentleman. I liked it--you get a good eyeful of our Puget Sound scenery. Also, I now finally see what Hot Shots! was parodying, aside from Top Gun. Hee.

Note Three: Still time to sign up for Operation Ichabod. Read a line, be spooky, be awesome.

...and the one that finally gets you, that's death.

Which is all by way of saying, happy birthday to me! Give me eye candy!

My dodged bullet? I have had this new freckle thing on the side of my nose for a few weeks now. It's tiny, almost black but isn't a blackhead, and hasn't gone away or changed. I usually don't get freckles at all, so I finally called the doctor this morning and got an appointment for an hour ago. Well, everything is fine, of course; he patted my arm and said "It's not cancer," and all. But really, for a bit there, I was having a thoroughly morbid mood. I started thinking of all the stories I'd heard--"My friend's dad found this little mole on his arm. Three weeks later? He's DEAD." And so forth. I planned a few deathbed speeches. It was very dorky and G0th of me.

Anyway, I'm fine, although Zach is NOT going to forgive me anytime soon for taking him with me into that horrible, horrible place (the doctor's office, where he usually gets shots) even though nobody touched him this time.

So. Eye candy! Bring it on!

Tagged by new_iconoclast...

1) Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
2) Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts.
3) Players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged.

So, my 8 random facts:

1. As proof that I'm behind the times, I have never sent or received a text message on a cell phone.

2. As further proof of the same thing, up until about a year ago I thought "MySpace" was a file storage type of site. Which I guess it is, if you count skanky photos and long emo posts as files.

3. After reading about noctilucent clouds on SpaceWeather.com, and seeing photos of them, I thought, "Oh, sure, I've seen those plenty of times." I verified this the other night by looking out the window at twilight and spotting some. Sure, there they are; we get 'em all the time here, I figured. Then I found out I was just lucky, for these are fairly rare at this latitude. So what was I seeing before? Not-so-lucent clouds, evidently.

4. I think I have a bunion on one foot. I'm not sure what to do about that, but my mother-in-law has them and they've nearly crippled her on bad days. Greeeat.

5. I tend to like fantasy but not sci-fi; love stories but not romance novels; true crime but not mysteries. With exceptions for each, of course.

6. I like purple flowers best of all. Then blue. Then white. Then red or yellow. But fragrance is really more important than color.

7. I eat peanut butter with chocolate chips off a spoon (or a table knife) quite a lot. I maintain that this is a healthy snack.

8. I disapprove of most bumper stickers. They're a bad policy. Sooner or later, everyone, even you, does something annoying in traffic. At that point, those who agree with your bumper sticker will be dismayed because you're making their side look bad; and those who disagree with your bumper sticker will just hate you even more for it.

And now...I disobey the rules by not tagging anyone, but inviting anyone to take part who wants to. I have a cold; I get to bow out early.

I got two crowns done on me poor li'l molars yesterday, and still feel a bit like I was punched in the jaw. My dentist said I was a great patient, which surprised me--I mean, I'm not like the masochistic patient quoted in the subject line (played hilariously by Bill Murray in Little Shop of Horrors); I don't like getting crowns. But what he meant was I didn't complain or freak out; I just cooperated. Don't most people cooperate?, I asked. Well, he said, a good half of them need a lot of calming down throughout; maybe one in ten just lies back and says, "OK, do what you got to do; I'll be quiet."

Hm. I suspect he was just being nice to me, but then again, we all hate and fear that drill, right? So I'm doing my own research. Please tell me:

Poll #994922
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 31

How well do you handle getting dental work done--something long and involved, like a crown?

Been a while since I gave you a random list of remarks. Let's try it again!

1. YouTube is a wondrous place whose members provide us with much video goodness. However, after some serious scientific inquiry, I must conclude that YouTube also has the absolute dumbest, mind-numbingly lamest user comments of any page on the internet. "lol thast sooo hot whats that song in teh bakgrond pleeeze luv the vid thxxxx XP!"

2. Clinique's Cream Shaper eyeliner is the best eye pencil I've tried yet. I guess it's worth it to spend more than $3 on eyeliner. Bye bye, Wet 'n Wild! Note: I have the Starry Plum color because I read that purples are good to make green/hazel eyes "pop" (sounds painful), but it basically just looks black until smudged. Am curious about the green shade (Egyptian) too.

3. There's no such thing as a healthy real tan, and no such thing as an attractive fake tan. If you use fake tanner you are feeding this ridiculous beauty standard that says pale skin isn't as good as darker skin. It's racism in a sense. Yes, I understand about looking dead sometimes and wanting some color to liven things up, but that's what blush is for. The look of blood circulating: good. The look of sun damage: bad. As for legs? Psht, who cares? Honestly, fake orange legs look worse than pale white ones. Embrace your natural tones! Don't let anyone tell you they're not up to par!

4. I'm sure the fact that I currently have a crush on a very pale English vampire on the telly has nothing to do with point #3.

5. For taming frizzes and poofiness in hair, however, I do advocate the use of "product". But smooth hair doesn't mimic the look of any disease or damage, so it's not entirely hypocritical of me when taken with point #3. I have health in mind here along with prettiness.

6. What podcasts do you enjoy listening to? Navigating the iTunes directory tires me, so I'm looking for recommendations. I have eclectic tastes, so name anything you like. But in particular lately, stuff about writing or forensics (the crime-solving type, not the speech-giving type) is most pertinent to me.

7. Politically lately, to the degree I pay any attention to politics, I'm calling myself a centrist. Everything in moderation. Morally and spiritually, I don't know what to call myself. My main central value is respecting and enjoying life. Note that I don't just mean one or the other; not enjoying it disrespectfully (e.g., hedonism) or respecting it somberly (e.g., monasticism), but always both at the same time to the highest degree of compatibility possible. So what does one call that?

8. Happy Memorial Day weekend!

Following up on the last post, here are the first couple pages of a novel I'm polishing up. If you have hospital or legal expertise, and time to kill, please review and point up my moments of total implausibility. This actually becomes a paranormal romance before long, but still, facts are important! :)

Thank you. Feeling like all kinds of a poser... here goes:

Edit: Never mind! Don't bother reading below the cut anymore; just answer me this if you are still paying attention:

What could a frazzled nurse do by mistake that would kill a patient? It wouldn't have to cost her her job, or involve legal action--I'm thinking she could just feel terrible and quit. Is there a way she could overmedicate someone, or medicate them with the wrong stuff, and if so, what are the brief logistics and specifics on that? Thanks again!

( Read more... )

A question for those who know how hospitals work (or spend a lot of time watching House or Scrubs):

When a nurse gives a terminal cancer patient his requested and allowed dose of morphine to ease pain, does she record the time and dosage on his chart, or somewhere else? Or do the computers hooked up to him sense and record the dose, or what?

Also: if a patient dies of an accidental overdose of morphine, what are the odds that the hospital would fire the nurse responsible but not tell the family the real cause of death? For instance, might they--to avoid investigation and lawsuits--tell the family that the patient died in his sleep of his terminal cancer? Yes, of course it's wrong, but does it happen? I'm figuring, in this scenario, the nurse might not protest, because if they did make the facts public, she could lose her nursing license; whereas by simply having to leave this particular hospital, she could still get work as a nurse elsewhere.

And yes, this is just for a story; no need to worry.

Thanks in advance!

Poll #845392 Questions unrelated to one another
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 51

(For my serious consideration.) If you were in the fiction section of the bookstore, or even the YA urban fantasy section specifically, which title would you be likelier to pick up?

(Just because I'm curious.) How high do you set your thermostat for regular at-home hours?

Body type would have something to do with that last question, I'm sure; but I don't think it's as simple as "big people are warm; tiny people are cold." In fact, a lot of skinny people are skinny because they have metabolisms that burn like rocket fuel; therefore, they are comfortable at lower room temperatures than the average person. In addition, I'm betting it has to do with what you're used to. Those from toasty parts of California really can shiver and pile on sweaters when it's 62 outside. I have seen this personally. Meanwhile, Alaskans often wear shorts when it's 45. Again, personal witness.

The other month we tried some Oreo knockoffs from a brand called Back to Nature. The name spawned many jokes: ah yes, nature, where chocolate sandwich cookies grow on trees. Monkeys flinging them at each other, squirrels carrying them off to their nests. A real bitch when you park your car underneath one, though; the filling smears all over the windshield.

Anyway, that brings up the question of whether "natural" is always better for you. In the case of cookies with some heart-healthy fat instead of Crisco, then yes, I suppose it is.

But when I want to know why we need to clear all the dead leaves away from the garden, justifying my laziness by pointing out that forest floors are covered with dead leaves and are quite fertile and happy, the "nature" argument doesn't quite hold up. Yes, forest floors are covered with dead leaves, and as a consequence they are also crawling with bugs, many of which would love to eat more plants, or hey, move into our house. Since that is not acceptable, I become willing to clear the dead leaves. Thus the difference between a garden and the wilderness.

Similarly, I find myself thinking things like: "It's silly that we shouldn't walk around barefoot for fear of putting too much strain on our feet. We were designed to walk barefoot! Our primitive ancestors must have done it all the time!" To which Anthro brain has to answer: "Yes, and look how long they lived. Why, a good 32, 33 years." Ditto for worrying about how the sun, or tooth decay, or sleeping on uncomfortable surfaces, might hurt us. Since I hope to live a good three times what our hominid ancestors did, I will be trusting in science and technology to help.

Luckily science and technology help bring us cookies. Which, in the case of Back to Nature, are really good. Better than actual Oreos, if you can believe it. You win THIS round, nature...

Here's how much of a freak I am. A two-item list:

1) If I had the time and know-how, I would be like those teenage fangirlies and make a music video out of LOTR footage. And the song I would use would be Queen & David Bowie's "Under Pressure." I'm serious. I have long wanted to do this. I think it could actually be very moving and cool if done right. Listen to the song and tell me you can see my vision.

For the line "terror of knowing what this world is about," we could have Frodo's wide eyes as he learns what the Ring really is. For "watching some good friend scream 'Let me out!'", there are several possibilities. We could have Gandalf trapped on top of Orthanc's tower; or Frodo in Cirith Ungol. There are tons of beautiful clips for "give love one more chance" (and a chance to use them all, with the repeated "give love, give love, give love..."). And I have to admit I would probably give in to the temptation to use a manly shoulder squeeze or a mushy hobbit hug on the word "slashed" ("keep coming up with love but it's so slashed and torn").

By the way, any Mac users know HOW you would rip brief scenes from a DVD? I tried to look it up once and got the impression it was freakin' complicated, involving ripping the entire movie first and converting it, and then clipping out scenes. And for the extended editions of LOTR--dude, that would take years.

2) I am reviving the use of parasols. I have long observed that sunscreen lotion is greasy, pore-clogging, smelly, high-maintenance, and does nothing to keep you cool in the sun. Now that I have a little babeh, I also have to add that it's probably not edible either, which is a concern when said babeh likes to put his fists in his mouth. So I have taken to carrying my prettiest umbrella over our two heads when we go out on walks on sunny days. I hope to start a fashion. It's easier on the skin, and it provides actual shade so you don't get as hot. Join me! It's elegant!

However, I do recognize that there are certain activities for which the parasol/umbrella would be impractical. For example, surfing, waterskiing, or outdoor tennis.